Before J came A

My number is 639-739*. I threw this over my shoulder as I walked away with an enigmatic smile. If you're curious you'll find out the last number. Sadly he never did find out the last number but that did not prevent us from keeping in contact. In fact before that encounter I knew his number and we spoke several times. Gimme a break ppl that was my attempt at flirtation at age 15. I think part of it wasn't flirtation at all but fear, I mean how would it look me giving my number to my boyfriend's cousin?

So to get back to the beginning my boyfriend, R, would hang out at his cousin's (A), house all the time, so I called him there most of the time. They were as close as brothers except for one yr at the age of 15 when they said not a word to each other. One evening as was customary I called R at A's house only he wasn't there. A answered and after I was informed R wasn't there he said quickly, "Oh so this is 'the' T." I was a little annoyed and said it's just T. He was like no from what I hear u deserve that "The" in front of your name because you're amazing, if I believe what I hear.

So basically I'm slightly heated now. I've never met my boyfriend's family yet or his best friend (A), but apparently he knows a whole lot about me. I wanna tell him "fuck what ya heard" and keep it moving but I know this won't go over too well and I can't take family getting between me and my man. So, basically he has me hooked I have to be curious and even though I know every damn thing that I've done, I need to find out if what he's heard corroborates. So he launches into into a blow by blow (no pun intended) account of my past few months with my boyfriend and my ears are heated, throat is constricted and burning and I am LIVID. (I made a mental note to kill my bf. How misguided was I to think older meant more mature!) So I'm trying to keep it together because I can hear the pleasure and anticipation in his voice because of the taunting and baiting that he knows is irking me.

Oddly enough this uncouth aggressive behaviour piqued my interest. I wanted to know more about him, his psyche. And this my friends was my first experience with the "unavailable" guy. Somehow for me it was fine, it was almost as if I liked this type of situation. We both had limited time to devoted to the "relationship" for want of a better word, we both liked the "mind fuck", we shouldn't have been doing it (always a bonus) and mainly it worked because we each felt that we were in charge.

So we hung out on the phone a lot and now I can't even remember what we spoke about though it seemed important, funny as hell, dramatic and revealing (I really understood him). I understood him so much so that if he said he would call I knew he wouldn't (and couldn't), if he asked me to call back at xyz time that he would be there, I knew that he told me everything in entirety; everyone he had a crush on (obsessed about), messed around with, was lying to and deceiving. We were like good friends who were attracted to each other with nothing physical really happening (only b/c of lack of opportunity and excess of loyalty). I was happy that we were bosom buddies like that I got to see the cut throat/"honest" guys perspective in his dealings with girls and I was saved the injustice of being like those girls plus I know the moment that I wanted more of anything that I would become subject to those honey sweet lies.

Yes we made out during one of me and R's off periods, but before that Yes R found out that we would spend hours at a time on the phone (when it was still innocent)... Yes he was incensed and more mad at his cousin than me. And yes another blackout period between them began and lasted for about 2 years after that it wasn't so much a blackout period as much as a deep freeze where they acknowledged each other but didn't do any chitchat.

So the years passed and A and I continued to be cool and R and I are cool too diehard bonafide friends. After the fact (when our relationship ended) he(R) knew a lot more than I gave him credit for but he knew better than to confront me. He just dealt with it on his own.

doorbell just rang will finish later

Time is everything

'Worthless' gifts get the good girls
13:21 27 July 2005
NewScientist.com news service
Anna Gosline


Men who spend big money wining and dining their dates are not frittering away hard-earned cash. According to a pair of UK researchers, they are merely employing the best strategy for getting the girl without being taken for granted.

Using mathematical modelling, Peter Sozou and Robert Seymour at University College London, UK, found that wooing girls with costly, but essentially worthless gifts – such as theatre tickets or expensive dinners out – is a winning courtship strategy for both sexes.
Females can assess how serious or committed a male plans to be and males can ensure they are not just seducing 'gold-diggers' – girls who take valuable presents with no intention of accepting subsequent dates.

Sozou came about the idea after reading about a man in his local newspaper. The man had been paying the rent of a woman he considered was his girlfriend – he was giving her a valuable gift. But she had been heartlessly manipulating him, dating another man on the sly while accepting money from her unwitting sugar daddy. "It spurred me onto thinking that if he had just been buying her expensive dinners, and not paying her rent, she wouldn’t have strung him along so much," says Sozou.

Dating and mating
So he and Seymour built a model based on a series of dating decisions. In the model males had to decide what kind of gift to offer females – valuable, extravagant or cheap – based on how attractive he finds her. The females had to either accept or decline the gift and then decide whether to mate with the gift-giver – a decision also weighted on the 'attractiveness' of their prospective partner.

When they measured the different outcomes of all the steps, they found the best solution for the males was to give extravagant, but intrinsically value-free gifts the vast majority of the time, while giving gifts of material value very occasionally.

The model showed that if males gave valuable gifts too often, the females would start to exploit them: the males have no clue as to the females’ real intentions in the model. Put simply, the females just take the diamonds and run. But when the gifts are worthless, an uninterested female has little incentive to accept, gaining no return on what could be just turn into the simple waste of an evening. Only girls who are serious would bother to go the distance.

Worthless balls
Sozou and Seymour believe their conclusions about people find support in the actions of animals, such as the dance fly. Males of this species give worthless cotton balls to entice partners into mating – and they work – although other scientists interpret this as male trickery.

Alison Lenton, a social psychologist at the University of Edinburgh, UK, questions some of the model’s assumptions, however. For example, one assumption is that females obtain a negative outcome for accepting an unattractive, though committed, male. Women have been shown to prioritise traits associated with good parental care above physical attractiveness, she says.
The model also fails to take the potential effects of cheating females into account. “Some female birds raise their chicks with a 'nice' male and engage in short-term copulations with an attractive male - there is similar evidence among humans. In this way, females may get the best of both worlds.”
And what is more, says Lenton, psychologists have found that experiential purchases – like theatre tickets – make people more happy in the long run than material purchases. "I do not necessarily agree that theatre tickets are 'worthless'," she says.