I'm tired

I'm tired of fighting so hard, of being alone, of having no one to depend on or confide in.
I'm tired of trying to be strong and make sure that everything is okay
I'm tired of wanting a shoulder to lean on and getting someone's voicemail, or someone with an issue they need to talk about while I listen
I'm tired of not knowing when, or how to ask for help
I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself and regretting all the things that I don't have or never had
I'm tired of thinking with my heart instead of my head
I'm tired of mistrusting people even though they really don't deserve my trust
I'm tired of holding on tenaciously when I should have let go a long time ago
I'm tired of worrying 24/7 in my head without really being able to solve the issue regardless of how much I think about it.
I'm tired of wanting love, but it not manifesting myself
I'm tired of being sick and tired
I'm tired of being average
I'm tired of that boy who wants to be in my life but is too far away for it to mean anything tangible
I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of people not treating me with the decency that I treat them
I'm tired of having fair weather friends
I'm tired of being afraid to meet new people
I'm tired of being afraid to open up to others
I'm tired of being afraid of being vulnerable
Boy am I tired.