I have no idea what to name this

Ok so he is gone again miles and miles , thousands of miles away so far that he has connnecting flights, so far that there is a time difference between us even though we are in the same country, so far that it takes 300+ to fix the problem of distance perfunctarily.

So I starved myself the entire day. He said he would stop by on his way to the airport, after 1PM but he wasn't sure exactly when. The flight leaves at 6PM. So I was holding out waiting on him so that I could take lunch whenever he was going to pass by. You know I am so stupid 3PM then 3:30 came and I was still holding out hope.

So for me its all about what you do. HOw come you can come over at 2am to have sex but can't pass by to say goodbye or can't even call to say you can't make it.

I know he doesn't like goodbyes but sometimes it's not all about you, and I'm paranoid now because if your words and actions don't match up something is wrong. Besides that it sounds like the excuse a girl makes when she is really into someone but they are still lukewarm or cold even. "Oh he just doesn't like goodbyes" {insert eyeroll}

So I 'm sure I heard you say I love you but you can't pass by and say goodbye? Or even call and offer a reason why you can't see me before you leave.
Maybe you regret saying it, maybe you did mean to say I love your pussy or I love it when you suck my dick and you just got carried away and actually said I love...then grunted and I took that grunt for the word "you".

So I'm pissed about that and I 'm pissed because whatever excuse he offers: whether we miscommunicated or he was pressed for time etc i will take it, forgive him and still want him.

Until this happened earlier I was thinking that I just needed to ask him point blank..."What will it take for us to work?" What would I have to do?
Would me moving solve it?

Because that's how I feel at this stage I want no more of holding on to feelings that I can't express or I'm afraid to express.
I just want this to be done with...can we be in a relationship? How feasible is it? How would we make it work?
If the answers are: No, not very, not at all then just release me.
Release me to move on cuz having love with no outlet is torture, because having love without knowing how someone truly feels about you is torture, b/c not being confident about how someone feels about you is distressing.

It's not about sex...I know I'm drawn to you, I know I really like you, I feel like I love you but I love myself more. And my love for you depends on how you treat me. If you constantly make me feel like I went to work naked and everyone is staring then that doesn't encourage me to relax about my feelings and embrace them.
Maybe that's what you want? Maybe you can sense my emotions and just want me to have zero expectations.

I really didn't think 4 days would bring me back to this point of constantly thinking about you, but it did.

Time to find a distraction.