An unkind cut but by far not the worst

Ok well this is one thing that made he burning mad once not to mention hurt and embarassed. So here the poem goes. Chuckle I'm so crazy I deleted the dreadful poem. Ok well imagine the most hurtful things and ex could say to you add an audience of about 50 ppl at a poetry cafe, a mike and let the wrath fly. That is exactly what I experienced. I thought I was going to support a friend's debut on the poetry mike but what I got was more like the finger. To have to sit and listen to such harsh words while not trying to react...one of the most difficult things in my life. So I'll offer this one instead...its definitely not as harsh but you get the point.
Actually I changed my mind I don't want to post it its from the past and thats why I don't have the original poem b/c I wanted to move on and rereading it only made me harbour that anger and trust me it was a slit-your-throat in the middle of the night anger.
So here is a picture that I have on my phone screensaver. I am trying to be friends with M but I forgot my phone there when my housemate and I were over there hanging out and I guess she looked at my phone and sent me the following texts:

Okay I have tried to fight the urges and truly I am working really hard not to
act on them but I have a harmless request I would like to have a copy of that
pic 6:18pm

Come on it is so damn next to impossible to see that and not well i will stop
before I get into trouble 6:21pm

I am truly hoping that I did not upset you if i did I apologize for putting
myself ahead of your feelings 6:29pm

I am at the end of my rope I have, countless times explained to her (yes her...if you ain't up on it do some back reading) what I think is inappropriate and still I have to deal with thisssssssssss ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I think I'm just gonna ignore her b/c I am tired fighting.

Now I am getting smarter it takes a while but I'm getting there Topic change just in case you haven't realized. I've gotten better at realizing when friends are trying to change the relationship. Hence today when I heard the line "Hey we should hang out this week and chill. I'll finally get to experience your backrub skills, " In my mind I was like hold up.... he's tryna "kick it" in true Love Jones fashion and I'm having none of it. I'm a pretty honest person if you call my phone I'm gonna answer it but I'm learning to take preventative measures so I probably will not answer my phone and give the obvious cop-out answer that I was sleeping and didn't hear it.
Its just weird....... you know your friend's secrets he was cool with your ex and if there was a lime/get together they would definitely be in the same space. I can't deal with that I don't want to deal with it. I know who he slept with on the low and I've seen how he treated the girls he has slept with on the low. I've snickered about it and he pretended to be embarassed. Its too close and I'm not young and curious anymore. I know how this story goes.............................

(About and 2 hrs later this thought comes) It's weird I don't like to be considered the sexy or pretty girl because I don't see myself that way. I see a bony, wild 8yr old trying desperately to be liked and included. I see myself as the smart girl, the nondescript smart girl. Being sexy gets you an annoying lesbian crush; being nice and accessible allows you to be taken for granted; being idealistic and optimistic gives false hope and a shaky grasp on reality; being a thinker makes you consider everyone else's feelings above your own.