OUr tIme?

I may be dead honey

but i was left with my eyes

and underneath sugar

well i've been stung by your lies

and my heart baby

is cold and blue

We're two of a kind baby

Me and You

It's our time sweet baby

To Break on through

It's the year to hated

so glad that we made it

Cuz all the kids in the street

Whisper sounds that sweet

The stars under their feet

Well it's the year to be hated

This song is by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and to me its talking about reaching the pinnacle after a long climb... about finally being a couple after trial and tribulation. Where does the hate part come from? It comes from being the perfect couple that people love to hate. It our time to be that perfect and in love.

So many times I've waited for "our time" with different people and it never came. I have the routine down cold I know how to notice it and I know the warning signs and I hold back just enough so that I don't end up Waiting for Godot (its a book, absurb but with lots of "symbolism").

So I held back and survived but then he dangles the cheeze before me. They say a promise is a comfort to a fool, but what kind of fool are you when you are comforted even without a promise. I had to laugh at that one, isn't it absurd? So he dangled the cheeze so long that it has gotten mouldy....very mould. What was the purpose of offering the cheeze if you had no intention of giving it to me or throwing it away even. Its not even a state of limbo since that suggests that there is a forward or backward movement possible. Its a state of confinement, but I like to be free.

I saw the Oprah episode with Terri McMillan and her gay giggalo jamaican ex-husband. Thru all the drama a few things stayed with me. (actually only 2) The psychiatrist told Terri she needed to self-protect better and be more selective about the people she trusts and lets into her life. Another thing she said probably contributed to the problem is knowing when enough is enough...Yes you went to Jamaica...yes it was a good fuck (no she didn't use that word on Oprah's show that's me I have a dirty mouth...I need some Orbitz gum WOT{way off topic}) but probably it was supposed to be for a season. Maybe you weren't supposed to spend 300 thou + in legal fees to try to get him in the US to get him to be a citizen etc.

So I'm realizing that holding on to the regret of "relationships" past if you could call them relationships is the wrong approach. According to those TD Jakes emails let it GO! It was for a time and that time is over. It wasn't "our time" but it was "a time".

****Separate from the above post its taken me a while to realize that the most talking you are ever going to get out of a guy is at the begining while you two are getting to know each other. After that window of newness the conversation goes and routine steps in. Its not that I'm a talker or even that I just like to hear myself talk. It's just that I appreciate exchanging ideas not for the value of "knowing how someone ticks" to try to psychoalnalyze them but for my own edification, to expand my ability of looking at things differently.

I don't know if its annoying that I post several things on the same day and they are different posts with different titles but its just that thats how it makes sense to organize it to me.....hahahahaa who am I kidding it bothers noone cuz yall deleted the email with the link I sent you. :)