Buh I nevah!

This is one straight from the inbox. I can't even make up the stuff that happens in my life ppl.

A quick note to inform about my whereabouts. I decided to take some time
off ....it may even be regarded as preretirement leave depending on how one
looks at it. In any event I will be off till next school year at the end of
which I will likely pack it in. Am in London and plan to be here with
occasional forays here and there until February when I will be going to T******.
I must admit that at this point in time I am at a bit of an odd place so my
actions may seem a bit unusual or even strange but I am of sound mind, though I
am somewhat uncertain about what exactly I wish to do once I retire. so this
year is one of pre retirement exploration....am certain I will come up with
something worthwhile likely in the Caribbean. I know that there must be
some way of saying this "nicely" but I can't believe that neither of you
thought it appropriate to send me a note re your meeting in Washington.....am
assuming it took place, and even if it didnt couldn't someone have said so? This
is not am issue of loyalty or even respect, just courtesy.

Ok this is a letter from the guy that donated 1/2 my DNA. And it seems like he is chastising me a lil bit. What for you may ask? Well basically he helped set up a meeting between me and my sister. We had this meeting maybe in August Lemme check I saved the bill from the restaurant....Yes it was august. I met my 29 year old sister for the first time and eight months before that she met her father & spoke to him for the first time in her life. Basically she got to do at 29 what I did at about age 10.

In a terse email 1 week before our meeting he informed me of this sister and the amazingly opportune circumstance that I could get to meet her. (opportune b/c she is Bahamian). So exchanged numbers for us and it was up to us to make the next step and we did. He seems miffed that he still doesn't know if we met.....Poor Samuel. yeah right. He got this girl's mom pregnant when she was 16 yrs old and he was in college with her older cousin. She left Canada and went back to the Bahamas to have her baby. He knew she was pregnant and never so much tried to keep in contact or find out about his child. She (my sis) had to go looking for him and track him down to meet her father. In seems like in 29 years he never even thought of her. Breathe Taj Breathe.

What was I supposed to write back and tell him? Each time I try to put the past behind us and create any sort of relationship your past comes and fucks it up??? That I have no space or function for you in my life? I was taught if you have nothing nice to say just don't say it. And I feel like you can't choose your family, but sometimes you honestly just don't like them as a person. I don't really respect him.... not in a confrontational way but if he were any guy on the street I would think his character was low and shady. Just because he helped make me I'm supposed to give him a "bye" and let it slide.

I have not responded to his email I don't think I will. He hasn't sought it fit to tell me of his new girlfriend even though his divorce papers are far from being drawn up. They are everywhere together... Ok fine. Why would you bring her when you are meeting your daughter for the first time is she that important?

He has realized that he has fucked up his life and damaged those around him and I think he is overwhelmed by the effort it takes to change it. Its weird my mom says that I sometimes have his cold, unreactive, detached tendancies- ...no she didn't use those words I just surmised this and did I mention I'm hardly ever wrong?...- and its weird we are both Aquarians but he has none of the traits we are know for.... passion, honesty, caring...its like he stumbled his way through life and just looked up and realized its half over and soo many ppl are mad or disappointed in him.

I have no sympathy empathy understanding or pity for him. He's simply a man that I never knew....

One final word even though I push these things out of my mind they do affect me. It makes me feel victimized like I should stay inside all the time. It makes me think if a girl can't have her father's love then whose love is she worthy of?!?