Jah wrote me a letter...

Today is a low day. I'm feeling sorta needy and this scares me the control freak cuz when you're needy you place someone else in the driver's seat. I am always worrying about something and I can't help it. And the fact is I usually do have a justifiable reason to worry or be stressin about something.
Firstly the Teaching Assistant (TA) position I thought I would be getting which would pay for grad school is sorta iffy. It turns out that the letter sent offering me a TA position with a check box for me to accept the positon wasn't a real offer but a recommendation of me for the position aka I don't got it yet. Sigh great since my life for the summer depended on knowing this information for sure. So, until this is decided I can't go home. Not that that really matters since if I go home I would be in an "empty" house (thats another story). My mom is elsewhere for summer till about when my orientation would be for school. So half my reason for going home (seeing my mom) would be sorta null and void and just going home to sleep in my bed and see friends doesnt seem like a good enough reason. So I guess going home is not an option til December so that would be a full 2 yr exile. Perfect. No not perfect since I did get my hopes up about going home for a vacation.
Hmmm my shoulders do feel a little lighter. What was the next problem? Oh yeah still cant talk about that. Hmm next.
Hmm if only one person complains does that mean that they are the problem or everyone else is blind? Hmm I thought so. So I'll cross them off my mental list and not call to fucking curse them out and let them know what I think about them and the situation. And I will refrain from sending subliminal messages like they do on MSN like having their screen name as > along with a picture of their eye as the sig. Really now! It's really the debate whether to ignore them, or to let them know how stupid they are being the latter however lets them know that they did bug you so I'll just zone in here :)
The next issue is extreme lonliness. I have no problem with lonliness if I chose it, but non self imposed lonliness Arrrggghhhh. I never thought it would be this difficult to find someone to hang out and have fun with. I have numbers in my phone book but I can't dial a single one.