Wrath!

Here is another written "expression" that I will give the backstory to at the end.
23/07/04
How does it feel to be the righteous one clothed in the righteouness that a secret has tailored for you?
How does it feel to be the one who is pitied, the empathizers unaware of the duplicity of your nature?
How does it feel to be disdained by the sole entity whose acceptance you seek
The cost of acceptance is honesty but it's been a long time; honestly do you even remember how?
"Those who lack conscience even lie to themselves" and how pathetic is that
Hurt after hurt.... it's hard to still be a nice person instead of being worn out because your heart/spirit is full of scabs
Your incessant presence chokes me
How does it feel to be the one in sunlight while I'm under the rainclouds
Vengeance is mine said the Lord, but I wonder is there any way that I can help him to make that day come sooner?

Basically a friend of mine, a friend of 5-6 yrs came up to me one day and after much wrangling told me they were in love with me. Mind you they courted the actual moment of the revelation for weeks saying they had some thing they wanted to talk to me about but they were unsure if I would be "upset". My response to that was, "you know me, so you should know; also the fact that you are unsure or need to ask means that there may be a problem". Now a friendship could survive this if only we weren't friends of the same sex. Immediately memories flood back to the times where u were in a rush and changed clothes in front of them, times where as a greeting or b/c you were happy to see your friend you gave a hug and a kiss, to the times when....well you get the idea. You feel vulnerable like if your favorite uncle got caught being a peeping Tom, at your window.
So the next stage was me thinking we're all mature in college (she said she was tryna shake it) so in step with being PC (politially correct) and "emotionally mature" (aka in denial) I decided to treat her more or less the same. That's a laugh since we were roomates (including 1 other mutual friend) we (the lover and the lovee unrequited/me) were constantly at each others throat to the dismay, and bewilderment of the 3rd roommate and other friends that came to hang out. Of course in their eyes I was the bitch, (not the bitch in the relationship ppl) just the bitchiest friend in our circle of friends who was immensely fake for treating a friend like a dog. Yo I just couldn't help it as usual I tried to control my emotions by pretending I didn't have any, but I would trip off for anything.

PS I will continue adding to this if I can or continue the saga another day. Direct TV calls.