Ms Freide please don't be sad for meeeeee - No Doubt lyric

It's like my friends live with more hope of me rekindling my relationship with my exBF (who lives abroad) than I do.

Every yr, actually only the past two, from the time it hits May they ask about his plans for returning to grad school like its a given like its bound to happen....and I the person who should be eagerly anticipating this look at them with bewilderment like...and if I say Elvis is alive are you gonna believe that too.

As much as he wants a relationship with me, he hasn't returned to the US now to findout he missed a deadline for one of his applications. I can't even be mad...I think that's one of my biggest problems, I equal not getting mad with being stress free but it doesn't work like that. My other problem is being too empathetic, I've been the shitty person, I've been the selfish person before, I've been the one down in the trenches begging for forgiveness and to be trusted time after time, so it's difficult for me to write off people I believe in.
Yet I am not a cunumuno (Caribbean slang for a stupid person) I made no expectations that he would be back within a certain time frame. I hoped for a while but never actually did the whole visualization of meeting him at the airport or going apartment hunting together or us going out together like we used to.

I am not a jealous person again another trait that causes problems with us....but I know his focus has been off. He doesn't want a girlfriend but he is seeing someone at home. Maybe instead of going out on all those dates he should have taken care of business. You know what I don't really think that way, I'm just being bitter, sour grapes as I realize the distance and unspoken conversations between us is building a bridge so long it's almost too impossibly long to be traversed for us to find our way back to each other.

Practice makes permanent and it seems like we have perfected the art of hurting each other, my only hope is that it doesn't leave permanent scars.


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Africans steups how can you try to persuade me that I should be with you.

I spoke up and said I am not interested in having a boyfriend and you are saying that I need to make a commitment to a "potential" us.
Negro taking one class together with occasional phonecalls does NOT classify as you knowing me. Yes he said he knows me and says all manner of things you are so sweet blah blah blah. He also does not call me by my name. He has decided on a variant of my name tha he likes and calls me that constantly. Hmmm I wonder if its because he forgot my full name.

People think I am crazy and moody because I try to be diplomatic and give muted signs (seems like an oxymorom innit?). So I won't encourage you but I won't be shouting a big fakk off either...I expect people to have some sort of discerning spirit and I try to be tolerant so when stuff is done that I don't like I can excuse it....then I excuse stuff so much it gets to a stage of the straw breaking the camel's back and I go 730 on their ass and spazz out. It's not that I want to hold stuff inside it's just that on a case by case basis I "think" I let stuff go and I dismiss them...then people overstep their boundaries more and more then I blow up when you are in my space.

Don't convince me that I should be with you. When I call you on what your intentions are relationship not friendship don't act all of a sudden like you can't understand my accent. What am I supposed to go the extra mile on the bitch gauge and say...
You like 32-35...................not interested
Your lips look like a months treatment with carmax couldn't solve your problem.....not interested
You speak to me like you are giving a command..................not interested (3rd African guy I have noticed this with maybe I am excessively sensitive to dominating males...you need to be laid back to deal with me cuz best believe I like to be in charge or be mad to think I am in charge)
You ask me my business.............not interested (even my friends get the retort of "...and why do you ask?....why you need to know if I go to church or drink etc...I am apt to lie just to seem less desireable in your eyes)
You are not attractive to me,,,,no one is ugly but seriously I wouldn't want to be out on a date with you and this is according to my standards, my likes and dislikes Not society and certainly NOT my friends.
Surprises are nice but you don't surprise someone with tickets to see the Wizards especially if you don't know if they are interested in basketball. Moreover since you have been badgering me for a date if I caved in because of my food situation (joking) or just to get you off my back why de mudda cunt you gonna carry me to a basketball game that last for fucking ever????
Your aim should be to keep it nice and sweet.
Lord knows why I didn't answer my phone yes I would be highly pissed.

How is a person supposed to know when God is working in their life....every little thing he has a hand in it, it's supposed to be a part of his design so what is the function of you in my life at this point? I feel like I can learn from you be encouraged to do well in my field by you but how can I separate your other interests.

Language barrier fucking lost in translation whatever it is you need to learn that you cannot persuade someone to be with you. And people this is serious I can count the number of times that we have spoken on the phone esp the times that are not related to school...but as de man say he's been watching me....Fukkin watching ME. He must not know my disdain and distaste for fuckin cuntholes watching me from a far fukkking lesbian cunt not this African cunt fucking seriously I know I have problems but these people need to stop observing me from afar, making conclusions and coming up with these unrealistic fairytales of my personality and goodness. Say I'm fukking smart say you observed me and my tits were so perky you could tell my IQ was off the charts and that I could argue down to the ground and back up based on logic. Tell me you watched the curve and size of my ass and realized that its directly related to the cornucopia of knowledge in my brain....look at my thighs and try not to pan upwards towards the triangle of my crotch.

SMH something is wrong with me but when ppl observe me from afar then are convinced they know enough that they know me I get uneasy, apprehensive, and defensive. YOW Mr Jingwe better not come at me wrong cuz I jess got my 3 Star. Yuzimi.